Be Happy & Be Happy For One Another

Kirwin

After 3 weeks, some “Teeny” fallout from my last post and a lot of prayer, I’ve decided to write a follow up to the “You’re Only As Free As You Allow Yourself To Be” post. 

To begin, no one should ever assume that I’m being passive aggressive or posting things to hurt people that have hurt me.  That’s not my style and my friends and family know that if I have a problem with anything, I come directly to them.  I’m just NOT a passive aggressive person and I have no agenda to use my blog as a weapon.  I write passionately with intense feeling because that is what is REAL.  I’m very transparent about my life.  How could any of my readers understand the GRAVITY of my revelations and victories if they don’t understand the INTENSITY of my pain and hurt, my faults and weaknesses? 

I write my posts as though the people that have hurt me don’t read them.  They might and I have very strong opinions about this unhealthy behavior, but I write as if they won’t.  I am going to write freely. I will never mention these people by name or give details about their identity, but I’m not going to let my FEAR of these people (who have a history of unhealthy behaviors) dictate to me what I can share with my friends, family and followers.  I wont let their intimidation and emotional manipulation determine how I live my life anymore.  I will protect their identity, but I won’t let my fear keep me from talking about what I’ve learned.  My blog is a place for me to communicate the things on my heart and to help others positively!  I don’t use my blog to hurt people.  It is a place for me to be transparent.  It is a place that is healing for me.  If you confess things openly you are more likely to have your moments of repentance and victory stick!  So I’ll try, with everything I am, to keep to the things I’ve confessed to do.

For clarification, my previous post is about me.  If you read it a second and third time, that is really the only conclusion you can come to.  My feelings are filled with regret, hurt, anger and grief but what it comes down to is this… The only person I can change, is me.  I made decisions to change myself and how I view my trials.  Rather than be upset about those who have hurt me, I can just move on.  They obviously have and that’s great.  What an AMAZING revelation that was!  Everyone deserves to be loved no matter what they’ve done.  It really doesn’t matter how I’m feeling.  What DOES matter is that I choose to be free from these feelings as well as the people that have invoked them.  I choose to forgive and move on with my life.  I choose to let these people be happy and be happy for them.  I choose to let go.

I now have healthy relationships with some of the people I refer to in my posts.  They know that some of the things I mention may refer to things that happened between us.  Fortunately, we have repentance and healing, and our relationships are healthy and encouraging.  They have changed and I have changed.  The past is in the past and trust has been restored.  They understand that I don’t dredge things up to make them look bad and they know I will protect their identity.  I’m practicing my beliefs and the things I’ve learned from wise people when I’m navigating difficult situations and difficult relationships.  I have a healthier life, restored relationships and overall general happiness because of it.  The evidence reflects that I’m definitely doing something right.

So!  The last post was a celebration for a major victory in my life to be shared with people who want the same thing in their life.  This post is for anyone who may have misunderstood.

P.S.  If anyone doesn’t like what I have to say or doesn’t agree with me, that’s completely understandable.  We are all so different.  I do ask that you utilize discretion and refrain from taking it out on my family and friends.  They really have nothing to do with my personal feelings.

Thanks!  Hope you all have a beautiful, stress free weekend! ❤ 

You’re Only As Free As You Allow Yourself To Be

Free
That moment that you see the person you blocked (because they ruined your life) popping up in everyone else’s posts and you remember they aren’t actually dead… they’re only dead to you.
I’m being fairly silly here but the reality is this….WOW! I’ve really cleaned up my life. No more toxic people. It’s gotten to the point that I barely think about these people at all! The above realization is actually pretty comforting because when you set healthy boundaries for you and your family, you will begin to experience joy. REAL JOY! And that peace that surpasses all understanding? Yeah, you begin to get that too.
At first, it stings a little, because no one else seems to care that these people have left a trail of bloodied bodies behind them. Even though these people do horrific damage, others still love them and care for them. They laugh with them and act like they didn’t just spend the last 12 years making someone’s life a pure unholy hell. But the point is this, life goes on. Toxic people are incapable of being loving, yet they still require love. We all deserve to be treated kindly and if I cant do it, then its good that someone else can. Truly, we all need love and compassion.
Even though we cant ask others to stop being friendly to those who hurt us, we can ask the people closest to us for the following…
-Please don’t talk about the person in front of me until I’m ready
-Please don’t engage in behavior with that person that allows them to hurt me by way of you (i.e. liking their Passive Aggressive posts, engaging in gossip, entertaining slanderous conversations)
-Please tag the person so that I don’t see those conversations (don’t just write their name in your post)
-Please respect that I’m hurting and working on healing and forgiving
The last two and half years have been the absolute happiest of my life!!! I don’t think it’s coincidence that once I cleaned out my life and my Facebook account of toxic slanderous people, that I began to experience real Peace.
Don’t be afraid to set healthy boundaries! ITS NOT YOUR JOB TO MAKE SOMEONE ELSE HAPPY! Dont worry about caring “for” those people either. Some of you may feel bound by the obligation of caring for that abuser because you’re the only one who will. There are 7 billion people on this planet, I think there are enough people to help that person without you having to do it. You are only as free as you allow yourself to be in this regard.
I’m still working on myself and I don’t have to be torn apart for the sake of someone else’s willful disfunction and destruction. Whether these people are friends, family, acquaintances or the check-out lady at the market…free yourself if necessary. And help protect others who are being abused by avoiding being manipulated by those who would hurt them.
Thanks for all your love and support! I’ve come a long way and still have a way to go. I’ll get there ❤

Stop Passive-Aggressive Bullying

StopPassiveAggressiveBullying

I am driven to talk about BULLYING because it is something that has followed me my whole life and it seems most people don’t even know that someone they care about is being bullied. So, I’m pulling together information that will help any of you that feel trapped in bullying situations or relationships.   

Most childhood bullies choose a more subtle bullying lifestyle when they grow up, but they still have the emotional immaturity of a child.  They are driven by Pride and Selfish Ambition.  The world revolves around their happiness or lack there of.  The type of bullying I want to talk about is The Passive Aggressive Bully.  This bully would never risk an outright approach for fear of exposing themselves and ruining their carefully constructed image of perfection.  They are brilliant manipulators and they are experts at orchestrating circumstances and people in their favor. When exposed they lash out and deny their mistakes and they will even lie to preserve themselves.  The most difficult kind of bully is The Passive Aggressive bully.

Hidden traits:

  1. Charming
  2. Obsessed with image
  3. Distorts truth and reality
  4. Evasive
  5. Plays the victim
  6. Self-righteous
  7. Pompous
  8. Hypocritical
  9. Two-faced
  10. Rumor-monger
  11. Passive-aggressive
  12. Pretends to care

-via www.kickbully.com

This doesn’t mean that anyone who displays these behaviors or characteristics is a bully.  It doesn’t mean that, because someone has treated you poorly, you are being bullied.  This is just a list of traits that are not visible. They are subtle and are much more devastating if unavoided.  I plan on having a series of posts dedicated to this.  I will be pulling together from many different resources to bring you a full understanding of the bully, and his or her psychological state.  I plan on sharing parts of my lifestory to give you a full understanding of how this type of bullying can affect a person and arrest their life from knowing success.

Bullies are the worst kind of sociopaths and they will fight you to social death.  Usually, yours, because most targeted victims are too weak too fight back, are victims of past abuse, the costs of fighting back are too high, or they have a strong moral obligation that prevents them from doing so.

I hope to go through these characteristics one by one and give you examples of the behaviors that manifest because of them.

I highly recommend checking out the following websites if you are a victim of this kind of bullying.

Kick Bully- Where Your Fight Begins

Bullying In The Family

Bullying: The Family Connection

This Emotional Life: Adult Bullying

Life After Adult Bullying

The Verbal Abuse Site

Books Recommended by Leading Anti-Bullying Sites:

Mean Girls Grow Up: Adult Women Who Are Still Queen Bees, Middle Bees, and Afraid To Bees by Cheryl Dellasega PhD

Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls by Rachel Simmons

Victory Over Verbal Abuse: A Healing Guide to Renewing Your Spirit and Reclaiming Your Life by Patricia Evans

To Be An Anchor in the Storm: A Guide for Families and Friends of Abuse Women by Susan Brewster

Beyond The Tears: A True Survivor’s Story by Lynn C. Tolson

Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls by Mary Pipher PhD

When Friendship Hurts: How to Deal with Friends Who Betray, Abandon, or Wound You by Jan Yager

Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward

Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life by Susan Forward

Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin by Anne Katherine

Self Esteem: A Proven Program of Cognitive Techniques for Assessing, Improving and Maintaining Your Self-Esteem by Matthew McKay

The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem: The Definitive Work on Self-Esteem by the Leading Pioneer in the Field Nathaniel Branden

Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life by Martin Seligman

Living with the Passive-Aggressive Man: Coping with Hidden Aggression by Scott Wetzler

The Emotionally Abused Woman: Overcoming Destructive Patterns and Reclaiming Yourself by Beverly Engel

Passive Aggressive Bullying

Passive Aggressive Bullying


Workplace or other, it’s wrong.

http://www.kickbully.com/hidden.html

This site humorously refers to the workplace as The Mental Hospital where the patients run the show. However, it illuminates an area of BULLYING that is just as destructive as other forms.

The Passive Aggressive Bully

Please support all of us who have been brutalized by this form of bullying, by reading this article and standing up for those affected by it. It’s okay to walk away from a Passive Aggressive BULLY. Don’t encourage them by listening to them. Dont “Like” their FB posts that are Passive Aggressive. Dont “Favorite” their Passive Aggressive Tweets. Learn the difference between the genuine and ingenuine! This website helps sort out the subtleties of the Passive Aggressive Bully.

Help protect the victims, not the BULLY. If you recognize someone doing this, please step up and do what’s right. Confrontation will only cause problems and backlash, so just remove them from your life.  Help victims by supporting their defenses and boundaries.  The BULLY won’t stop their torment as long as they have people willing to tolerate them.

As far as Christians are concerned, Jesus would have never sat idly by or even encouraged this kind of BULLYING. He wouldnt and didn’t buddy-up with BULLIES. We can’t hide behind His name, call ourselves Peacemakers, and let an innocent be devastated to the point of suicidal thoughts, suicide attempts, or fatal suicide because of Passive Aggressive Bullying.

If you are this type of BULLY…you can stop. There’s help for people who want to stop bullying. Don’t let another minute go by where you are responsible for someone else’s pain.

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