Redefining “Shark Bait”

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Something happened to me and the kids on Wednesday that I wanted to wait to post about until I wasn’t angry anymore. Well, after 48 hours of reflection I can confidently say that I have every right to be angry about this situation. Angry at myself, my kids and the woman who left my child for potential road kill.

After the gym I took the kids to the library to pick up some books that I had on hold. They were running around, the 2yo was yelling and I was really embarrassed. Especially since the librarians were correcting my kids (in order to help me, them and everyone, but still it hurts a little). I was just trying to get out of there! I managed to get them calmed down and we started to walk outside even though I hadn’t put everything in bags.

There’s about a 15 yard stretch between the door and the parking lot. So I told the 5yo to hold the 2yo hand and not let go. While i’m stuffing my stuff in a shopping bag. He lets go and the 2yo starts running toward the parking lot. I stumble and the 5yo runs after the 2yo. The 2yo thinks its a game of chase and sprints for the parking lot! All this is happening in seconds!

I see that I’m not going to make it. As I’m sprinting towards the children, wetting my pants (literally from fear), I scream for a woman who is next to her car (and in front of my kids) for help!

I’m literally screaming at the top of my lungs “Grab him! HEEEELP! Please grab him! HELP PLEASE” She looks at me in the eyes as I’m tripping and peeing and near hysterics and you know what she does … TURNS HER BACK ON ME.

I couldn’t believe it. The 5yo grabbed him one millisecond before I did… 14 INCHES from the parking lot. I am not exaggerating this situation.

I was on my knees scolding my children for disobeying and trying to control my tears, voice and bladder. Finally, I stood up, children in hand and turned around and looked at this lady dead in the face and asked, “Really? You were just going to let him run in front of a car. Really????” Then I took the Lord’s precious name in vain (not my finest hour). But I felt like she needed to know who she needed to answer to, if you get my meaning.

That woman, looked completely apathetic. Dead in the eyes. Cold in the lack of emotions in her face. She gave her head a slight shake and her shoulders a gentle shrug as if to say “Its not my problem” I have seen this look on so many faces in my life and in the media and it is always as if the person relinquishes themselves from any responsibility for themselves, their behavior or for anyone else troubles.

I am absolutely livid about this and I’m having a difficult time understanding, loving and forgiving her. She was ready to let my little baby die and as this was unfolding, I truly believed that this was the last day I was going to see him. Ive never been more scared in all my life. If God hadn’t intervened I don’t know what would have happened and I’m thankful I don’t have to live that alternate reality.

I was so shut down afterwards I actually blocked it from memory until yesterday. I told Vernon about and I apologized for not telling him sooner but I had just been trying to process it. Which, meant forgetting about it for a day.

I suppose I’m sharing this here, because I’ve been in situations like this where I’ve had to grab kids for their parents. I’ve never judged them or thought that it wasn’t my problem. Whether you like it or not, we all live on this God forsaken planet together. Most moms are there to help eachother out. If you are of the mind set to quickly to judge a mom, dad, or caregiver for their child’s behavior…to the point of apathy…you need to do some serious self reflecting and ask if you really are all that you think you’re cracked up to be. Being a parent or caregiver is insanely stressful. You are responsible for another little person’s life (sometimes more than one) and it doesn’t help if everybody keeps telling you that you’re a piece of crap at it or that you’re all alone and nobody should help you.

I don’t beat my kids. I don’t verbally abuse my kids. I don’t neglect my kids. What am I doing wrong exactly? Loving them and building them up? Staying at home, nourishing their minds and bodies? Is that wrong? Theyre kids! They are going to be kids! I love how everyone tells you to keep your kids under control but the minute you consider putting them in a back pack with a leash then youre a MONSTER! I feel like I’m drowning in the hypocracy of Previous Parents.

Letting a kid get run over by a car because “it’s not your problem” should be the new definition of “shark bait”. I don’t know when I’ll be able to love and forgive this woman. Normally I can put myself in someone elses shoes and look at things from anothers perspective. There have only been a few cases (people) that being in their shoes revealed to me that there was nothing redeaming about them or at least about the decisions they made. Truly, there was nothing that I could have imagined would drive someone to ever make the kinds of decisions they made. This woman has made the elite list of those kinds of people. It wasn’t even a list until I met her, thats how short it was.

Please pray for me that I can forgive her. Please pray that I can teach my kids to obey. Please pray that they will continue to be protected by their guardian angels. And please…please… pray that I won’t pee myself again! (That was the icing on the cake.) If you’re not religious and don’t pray, your warm thoughts and wishes are still desperately needed and appreciated.

Now where did I put my drink?????

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Tootsie Roll Factory Working Again! Thanks, Homeschooling.

Homeschool Started

Last Monday, we started up Homeschool again.  We are still waiting on some evaluations, but I thought it would be good for all of us to get some schooling in.  We were getting SO bored!!!  Homeschooling has been so difficult for me because I just didn’t have the ability to understand or create my own lesson plans.  I’ve had people recommend curricula, but none of them had the lesson plans written out.  The ones that did, were RIDICULOUSLY expensive (some being $900). I’m positive that I have some kind of a learning disability and I’ve struggled with the organizing of information all of my life.  Trying to take different subjects and create lesson plans for them was not overwhelming, it was IMPOSSIBLE.

My second college degree is in Theater Education and I always got horrible scores on my lesson plans.  I just couldn’t understand how to take all of the information I ‘knew’ and put it into an organized plan.  One lesson at a time wasn’t too hard when I knew what the teacher wanted me to say, but the unit long ones would give me horrible headaches.  This is why I don’t like chess!  You have to know where you’re going and most people know that I never know where I’m going. LOL!  I spent hours researching curricula online and it was all very confusing and expensive.  I spent 8 hours one day trying to save money on a curricula by looking for some of the materials at the library, ebay, amazon etc. and creating a Spreadsheet to organize my findings.  The result, I would save $24 off of a $800 purchase.  I spent a full day’s work to save $24?!?!?!  If I were getting paid to be a Stay At Home Mom, I just lost $60 that day. DAG-NIT!!!!

Then, one morning I woke up and I just knew exactly what I needed to do.  I knew that I needed to get curricula that had the lesson plans in them… duh.  However, the miraculous understanding came in how those plans, units, concepts, standards and objectives all lined up!!!! I’ve been praying and praying and praying and then… POOF!  I got it.  I can tell you dozens of stories of how God has given me miraculous understanding in things that were seemingly impossible and where I had NO help.  So, here we are and I was a good week! No boredom, fighting, strife, or whining.

The biggest thing that happened was the 5yo started put his poop in the potty. ALL. WEEK. LONG.  That’s right, parents!  The day after we started school again, the toilet seat started going up on it’s own.  At first, I was creeped out (watching too many paranormal investigation shows I suppose). Then, sanity said, “that’s your son using the toilet…Nerd.”  I’m sorry, but that is not a sound that we are used to hearing around here.  He’s only had a few accidents. One major blowout, at his Uncle and Aunt’s that required a shower… heheheheh… sorry guys…. Other than that, he’s been accident free and has given Butt Birth to some of the most amazing turds!  I’m so proud of him.  This is the longest record he’s held in almost TWO years!  TWO YEARS!!!!!  All of the withholding and constipation and fear and complaints have all but disappeared.  He tells me… “no mom, i want to do it all by myself. I’ll call when I need you.”  What a grown up thing to say!  I think he might be ready for underwear… omg… underwear….  UNDERWEAR!!!!  This is like the Holy Grail of Potty Training!!!!

We’ve been doing the Miralax regime for 18 months and it was the same cycle: gets impacted, give him Miralax, cleaned out, withholds, gets impacted again even though he’s on Miralax.  I still think that he has some sensory problems and physical problems that are hindering him because he’s explained that he cant feel his poop.  But it seems he’s found something that is working for him and he’s going for it!  We’ve been showering him with rewards!!!

For any of you who are interested in our full Potty Training Journey, start from the beginning by reading Let’s Talk About Poop Logs.  You can find the link in the side bar under the “Potty Training” category. Believe me when I say that we have tried everything under the sun and nothing has worked.  He literally started doing this on his own with no motivation at all.  Something just clicked and he’s working with it.  I dont want to say his problem is cured.  It’s not.  He is working with what he has found successful and trying, but I feel that he is building his self confidence right now and I’m not going to doubt in front of him.  I just treat him like he’s succeeded.  If he reverts backwards, I wont dispair and I wont discourage him.  We’ll just keep doing what we have been… going with the flow… or lack there of 😉

Yep. Its that time. O’Frizz:30 pm!

My second son at 7mos!

My second son at 7mos!

Yes indeed, it IS that hour of the day when my hair represents my state of mind.  I feel like I’m about to explode 😛 Pthbbbb!

I am having a very discouraging week so far. I’ve been sick with another random fever. No other symptoms. I thought it was the flu but it wasn’t. Just another FUO (Fever of Unknown Origin). Yep. It’s a real thing.

Also…

Our eldest is almost 5 now and he’s the sweetest little man. He is very caring and friendly but has been having a hard time making new friends at church. All of his friends ADORE him but I think the new kids are intimidated by his self confidence… maybe? They seem put off with how comfortable he is this new situation. I’m not sure exactly what it is, but its hard when he says the other kids wont play with him.

His potty training is halted again and we spoke to a Child Psychologist who recommended that we talk to our Pediatrician about the poop issue. I reminded her that we have been dealing with this for 18 months now and even his Dr is at a loss. Im feeling so desperate!  She was helpful and encouraging in stating that his particular disorder, Postural Ocular Disorder (a subtype of Sensory Processing Disorder), is a low incident and rare disorder so there are not a lot “how to’s” about it. Well at least I know I’m not going crazy when I spend hours on the internet to find nothing!  However, its very hard when your little guy is reaching this huge milestone of life and still cant use the potty.

She also suggested we look into sending him to Public School and having him enrolled in Special Education.  My mind immediately went back in time to when I was in school and Special Ed was for kids with mental retardation and severe physical/mental disabilities!  I tried not to freak out and reassure myself that it’s been, like, 30 years since I was 5yo and that Special Ed has probably changed.  But inside, my heart was just breaking.  I couldn’t help it.  I was thinking that his life would be over if he went to public school NOW.  All of his sweetness, self confidence and esteem would be stolen from him by the taunting children who hate all things different.  Did I mention I was kind of freaking out inside? I did. Okay.

So anyway, I’m having a discouraging week.  I’m not worried that he won’t get better.  I’m sad that its come to this.  A reevaluation of all of our plans and a change of heart towards what we desire.  It’s not bad… it’s sad.  I want to homeschool, but I’m afraid to homeschool.  Now that it may not be best for him to be homeschooled, I want to homeschool more!  weird… I know. I’m remembering all the hurtful laughs and not understanding where they came from.  I was defenseless and didn’t have anyone to teach me about socialization, but my son isn’t defenseless.  I’ve been through it all and come out stronger on the other side.  I’ve been able to see my mistakes in school (socially) and learn from them.  He’ll be so much better off than me.  I’m still freaking out and there doesn’t seem to be a lot of hope about the situation, but that means there’s a little bit of hope.  And God can do a lot with a little bit!

Whew! I can feel my hair starting to settle down now 😉

Kindergarten!!!

I think I just experienced a blogging hangover!  My last two posts took two whole days to write and I felt like I certainly gave people enough to read.  It was at least a weeks worth LOL!  Sorry for the long gap, though.

UPDATE:  JEM is doing great with his potty training. We are on a plateau right now and I realize that’s not a bad thing.  He’s getting the basics down and I’m really proud of him.  We always look at plateau’s like they are some kind of report card to our parents about the one subject we’re sucking at.  But plateaus are good, man!  Hey if you’ve lost 40 and you are plateauing right now, here’s what you need to do.  Stop, take a deep breath, look in the mirror and feel dam proud of your accomplishment because, lets face it, you look good! Plateaus give a us a freaking break from all the climbing we just did on that Mount Everest Challenge we just did.  God wants us to have a break, enjoy our accomplishment and bask in His grace.  Now when I say “Plateau”, you say “Ho!”  “Plateau!” *pause for audience participation* “Plateau!” *pause* Awwww Yeah! The 90’s were dope, yo. 😉

Shout out to you, Machie! 40 pounds total lost weight!!!! w00t!

             

After a break to get things in order, we have now started Kindergarten! w00t

We got the school room glitter proofed, organized and a bunch of schooly stuff purchased.  I thought we were going to be more prepared on Monday for JEM’s first day, but we weren’t. The beauty of homeschooling! And I wanted it to be a memorable day for him, but I’m just not great at that kind of thing.  Turns out it was pretty memorable for him without pancakes in the morning and special lunch box (that he requested).  He was so excited to do his new online Kindergarten that he forgot to care about anything else… whew. 🙂

As I read other blogger’s send their little kiddos out the door for their first days of Kindergarten, my heart just burst for them.  It’s such a tender time in a parent’s life and such a huge step for the little ones.  I really admire their honesty about what that process was like for them.  I’m really glad that I am not going to experience those emotions.  I’d be laying on the floor in a puddle of my own snot and tears.  How parents keep it together in front of the children is an absolute miracle.  You go guys!  Again, I am really glad I’m not going to go through that.

We’ve always wanted to homeschool our kids but as we got closer to school age, my thoughts wavered back and forth.  Mainly out of my insecurity about being a good teacher. I also thought about all the things they would miss out on.  That first bus ride, the first sack lunch, the first story time, first music or PE class, the first homework assignment.  Then I thought about it again, he’d also miss out on the first criticism, the first tease, all the insecurity and all of the time waisted waiting around.  Overall, homeschooling him is best for them.  Especially for JEM. He already shows so much confidence and I’m thankful for him.  I am greatly convicted by those firsts that he’ll miss, though.  It’s my job to make sure that his school experience is just as fun and memorable as those who are schooled publicly.  So….. HERE WE GOOOOOO!

Balancing Wifedom, Momdom, Frienddom & Everything Else

 

Great idea #1: Let’s start the blog with a confession!  I struggle with depression.

Great idea #2: Set everyone at ease! I find things to help me overcome the blues.

Great idea #3: Discuss these effort I make? Being thankful!

I’ve struggled with depression my whole life.  I get really high highs and super low lows and since I became a Christian the lows happen less often. They do still come around when the monotinaity of life hits hard and I find myself reeling from boredom’s round house kicks to the face. So…Ive had to come to terms with the fact that, despite how I feel, I have responsibilities.  But it doesn’t mean I cant have fun!

Balancing being a woman of faith, a wife, a mom, a friend, a maid, a cloth diaperer (mega-launderer), a teacher, a secretary, an artist, a comedian and all the other things I’ve been blessed with, is overwhelming.  After our second son was born I felt like I was going to crack under the pressure.  Everyone was patient in the home and helped me through the post partum blues.  Just when I felt like I was going to lose it, I decided to get back on Facebook, start a Twitter account, and create a blog. Adding some new roles to the already long list. However, it’s been a lifesaver.

I have found a community that I can be myself in.  I have a large group of supporting family and friends, but most of the women don’t share my love for film and NerdGeek culture.  Thanks to my best friend, Machie (May-Chee…I’m using a  made up name *wink*), I’ve been able to have an outlet for those things. She’s led the way with the movement to find herself and embrace her inner geek and I joined her.  It’s bc of her that I found a love for social media and have found a community that understands me.  Thanks, Machie! I also, have to thank my Sista-in-law who is a faithful commenter.  I believe the term she used was something to this effect…a comment woman-of-the-night.  LMBO! Putting it tactifully *wink*. It’s really made me feel loved.

I follow a lot of mom blogs and their Twitter feeds and it has really helped me.  For the spiritual aspect of life I go to my closest friends and I laugh and cry with them (mainly laugh).  I’m so thankful for such a great loving support group. For my need to get me Geek on I go to the momblogs. The Redneck Mommy always has me ROTFLMBO-ing and is genuinely a kind person. She is so funny and shares openly about her life. I absolutely love her. @Keeba13 links the greatest NerdGeek stuff on her Twitter feed and is one of the most loving and sweet ladies I’ve randomly found in a long time. Not so random since @spacekicker recommeded following her, but random in the sense that I had just opened a Twitter account. She is amazing and has a vlog on YouTube where she talks about gaming and Geek culture. I still have to watch her other posts but tweeting with her has revealed a sweet, caring, concerned and compassionate heart of a wife and mother. Thanks @Keeba13! Also, The Proverbs 31 Ministry has been a great encouragement to me. Learning to embrace the reality that I’m not perfect and that my flaws don’t define me.  Thank you all!  You’re SuperMoms for sure and I appreciate you with all my heart.

And for you dads and husbands out there…you are awesome too! My SuperHubby keeps me going with his unconditional love and patience.  Without him, I would be a mess…and not a hot mess.  Just a stinking pile of emotional whiney waste matter.  Thanks SuperHubby for all you do. You are greatly appreciated. I am also so thankful for my friend @spacekicker, who I have recently reconnected with.  He’s been an inspiration in my life and I’m so thankful for his beautiful bride. They are such an inspiration of following a dream with persistance and finding adventure around every corner.  Also, I am following Backpacking Dad and he has shown me how much fathers have changed.  He is so funny and provides such wonderful humor and adventure.  He’s an encouraging and inspiring man. I find it amazing that you all provide for your families financially, emotionally, and adverturously.  It can be very difficult to not get caught up in the boredom of the 9-5 grind but you still come home and change diapers, deal with the problems, pay bills, help with chores and have good attitudes doing it.  Giggles, laughs, tickles, games, stories, and adventures follow you wherever you go (even for those of you without kids *wink*).  Don’t lose heart when things are tough and know that you are doing a great job.  I’m so thankful that there are more dad blogs now. Keep up the good work guys!  You’re amazing.

I wanted to share with everyone, but especially all the NerdGeek Moms out there, that it IS hard balancing all those roles and finding joy in the mundane. I don’t think we’re supposed to think that we have it all figured out. It’s normal to struggle and you’re not alone.  When you feel overworked and under appreciated by friends and family, rest in the fact that you are making large sacrifices that are building up a riches for you.  When life, slows down you’ll reap the rewards!  Your teenager will call you up from college or, a little later in life, after they just lay your first grandbaby down and say, “You were right, Mom. I love you.” Your little breastfeeding babies that wake you up all night to eat will bring you joy and laughter through all the new things they’re discovering everyday! Your toddlers WILL use the potty and your SuperHubby’s will say “You’re the most amazing and beautiful woman I know and I don’t deserve you.” It’s all coming to you so keep the good fight.  It’s a fight for happiness sometimes.  A very loving and wise man, Steve Hall, said “You have to fight like heroes against the drudgery of life.” We are certainly Super Heroes! Find that thing that helps you get through and reach out to me if you need anything.  Seriously, even if I don’t know you.  Message me and I’ll try to cheer you up!  I’ll find something to make you laugh or lift your spirits. Thank you for being awesome moms and friends!  You all are beautiful, smart, and I am always thinking of you.

WE ARE SUPER HEROES. WE ARE FIERCE AND BEAUTIFUL.

 

 

Enter To Win Free Homeschooling Curriculum

Joyful Heart is offering a chance to win their Joyful Heart Spelling Skills curriculum.  There are several different ways to enter.  Just go to Joyful Heart and follow the instructions. It’s easy! Curriculum is so expensive since its a one time purchase, so this is a great opportunity!  Good luck, families!

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