Something happened to me and the kids on Wednesday that I wanted to wait to post about until I wasn’t angry anymore. Well, after 48 hours of reflection I can confidently say that I have every right to be angry about this situation. Angry at myself, my kids and the woman who left my child for potential road kill.
After the gym I took the kids to the library to pick up some books that I had on hold. They were running around, the 2yo was yelling and I was really embarrassed. Especially since the librarians were correcting my kids (in order to help me, them and everyone, but still it hurts a little). I was just trying to get out of there! I managed to get them calmed down and we started to walk outside even though I hadn’t put everything in bags.
There’s about a 15 yard stretch between the door and the parking lot. So I told the 5yo to hold the 2yo hand and not let go. While i’m stuffing my stuff in a shopping bag. He lets go and the 2yo starts running toward the parking lot. I stumble and the 5yo runs after the 2yo. The 2yo thinks its a game of chase and sprints for the parking lot! All this is happening in seconds!
I see that I’m not going to make it. As I’m sprinting towards the children, wetting my pants (literally from fear), I scream for a woman who is next to her car (and in front of my kids) for help!
I’m literally screaming at the top of my lungs “Grab him! HEEEELP! Please grab him! HELP PLEASE” She looks at me in the eyes as I’m tripping and peeing and near hysterics and you know what she does … TURNS HER BACK ON ME.
I couldn’t believe it. The 5yo grabbed him one millisecond before I did… 14 INCHES from the parking lot. I am not exaggerating this situation.
I was on my knees scolding my children for disobeying and trying to control my tears, voice and bladder. Finally, I stood up, children in hand and turned around and looked at this lady dead in the face and asked, “Really? You were just going to let him run in front of a car. Really????” Then I took the Lord’s precious name in vain (not my finest hour). But I felt like she needed to know who she needed to answer to, if you get my meaning.
That woman, looked completely apathetic. Dead in the eyes. Cold in the lack of emotions in her face. She gave her head a slight shake and her shoulders a gentle shrug as if to say “Its not my problem” I have seen this look on so many faces in my life and in the media and it is always as if the person relinquishes themselves from any responsibility for themselves, their behavior or for anyone else troubles.
I am absolutely livid about this and I’m having a difficult time understanding, loving and forgiving her. She was ready to let my little baby die and as this was unfolding, I truly believed that this was the last day I was going to see him. Ive never been more scared in all my life. If God hadn’t intervened I don’t know what would have happened and I’m thankful I don’t have to live that alternate reality.
I was so shut down afterwards I actually blocked it from memory until yesterday. I told Vernon about and I apologized for not telling him sooner but I had just been trying to process it. Which, meant forgetting about it for a day.
I suppose I’m sharing this here, because I’ve been in situations like this where I’ve had to grab kids for their parents. I’ve never judged them or thought that it wasn’t my problem. Whether you like it or not, we all live on this God forsaken planet together. Most moms are there to help eachother out. If you are of the mind set to quickly to judge a mom, dad, or caregiver for their child’s behavior…to the point of apathy…you need to do some serious self reflecting and ask if you really are all that you think you’re cracked up to be. Being a parent or caregiver is insanely stressful. You are responsible for another little person’s life (sometimes more than one) and it doesn’t help if everybody keeps telling you that you’re a piece of crap at it or that you’re all alone and nobody should help you.
I don’t beat my kids. I don’t verbally abuse my kids. I don’t neglect my kids. What am I doing wrong exactly? Loving them and building them up? Staying at home, nourishing their minds and bodies? Is that wrong? Theyre kids! They are going to be kids! I love how everyone tells you to keep your kids under control but the minute you consider putting them in a back pack with a leash then youre a MONSTER! I feel like I’m drowning in the hypocracy of Previous Parents.
Letting a kid get run over by a car because “it’s not your problem” should be the new definition of “shark bait”. I don’t know when I’ll be able to love and forgive this woman. Normally I can put myself in someone elses shoes and look at things from anothers perspective. There have only been a few cases (people) that being in their shoes revealed to me that there was nothing redeaming about them or at least about the decisions they made. Truly, there was nothing that I could have imagined would drive someone to ever make the kinds of decisions they made. This woman has made the elite list of those kinds of people. It wasn’t even a list until I met her, thats how short it was.
Please pray for me that I can forgive her. Please pray that I can teach my kids to obey. Please pray that they will continue to be protected by their guardian angels. And please…please… pray that I won’t pee myself again! (That was the icing on the cake.) If you’re not religious and don’t pray, your warm thoughts and wishes are still desperately needed and appreciated.
Now where did I put my drink?????