Its probably because most of the time I use humor to communicate the thoughts, feelings and events of my life, that I am not taken seriously. Or… Perhaps its my higher and possibly annoying voice. Perhaps its because it takes me a while to process information that isnt made perfectly clear to me. Perhaps its just me. But even if it is me, treating someone with condenscention and disrespect is just a symptom of Jerk-itis. I used to do it to people when I was younger because that is what I grew up with… all of my life. Sometimes my family would gang up on me about something they knew was false just because they didn’t want me to be right. That breaks you as a kid, you know? Anyway, someone showed me that it was wrong and hurtful and I decided to stop. I have my moments where I feel like I need to condescend my way out of an argument, but its usually because the other person is being so self-righteous & uppity with me, that I’m compelled to take them down a notch. Whatever my reasons, its wrong.
Its really really annoying when your son’s Pediatrician condescends to you simply because HE hasn’t made something perfectly clear. Great, so not only do I feel like a terrible mom, an annoyingly uptight friend and an idiot in general, for my handling of James’ allergic reaction to dogs, but now I have to listen to highly educated man condescend to me. His four, wall-hanging degrees looking at me with their glaring superiority. I think I just saw a reflection of a giant TURD with smeared mascara and a droopy pony tail reflected at me. Is that me?! Man, I look like crap today.
What bothers me about people who talk down to me, is that they actually believe they are NOT talking down to me. If you don’t think you talk down to people, you probably do… all the time. Lording knowledge (superior or otherwise) over someone with the intention to ‘help’ them is an excuse to be an a-hole. If you’ve ever used a compliment to hide an insult or criticism… that’s the worst form of manipulation and condenscention. If you’ve ever used the “let me explain this to you” voice… that’s it too. I’ve used them all before and still struggle to purge those tones & language from my vocabulary and behavior.
Here’s a suggestion, if you don’t agree with someone’s post; dont DO anything. Don’t say things on their blog or page like “I respectfully disagree” and then totally misrepresent the persons views in some self righteously defensive manner. There’s no room in an adult world for defensiveness, which is a sign of emotional immaturity (I know because I’ve been there). I find it entirely unamusing that there is a specific type of person that will go to your blog/page and attack your viewpoint and completely misrepresent you in the process. If you are a victim of those types, if you try to clarify or defend yourself, they will only say things like “just because someone disagrees with you doesn’t mean that they are wrong.” I wanna say to them, “didn’t you start this when you GROSSLY misrepresented my viewpoint, slandered my character, misquoted me and then attacked me as a person…on MY page?” You cant go to someone’s ‘home’, attack them, & expect them to take it lying down. Especially when that attack is a complete and utter lie. We have freedom of speech, so I don’t go around getting offended and defensive, then push my unresearched propaganda on THEIR blogs, pages, etc. Why do people do that? Let the owner of the page say what the want, “like” it or say nothing. But don’t get unjustly offended by something that wasn’t even written about you. Post something on your page if your upset about it.
Is this a lecture post…
It’s a venting post.
There is a specific kind of person that goes around looking for a fight. And they will find you if you speak anything “you” feel is good, righteous, or that causes someone to question themselves. Personally, when I read other people’s viewpoints, I actually think about it. I objectively look at it from all sides, then I make a decision. Do I agree with that or not. If I don’t… I don’t say anything. I don’t go looking for a fight in someone elses home, but I will defend my home.
I’m just SO weary of being talked down to. Btw… I think its my son’s Pediatrician’s fault! I told him about these reactions over a dozen times. I’ve called in, he’s been seen, I bring it up at every check up. Then all of a sudden i’m the bad mom who lets her kids be around dogs. He never told me James could die. Last year he said, “its probably good if you don’t get a dog and try to limit his interaction with them.” Does that sound like “if he’s around a dog, he could die”? Not to me it doesn’t. So to have him sit there and talk down to me about it was really painful.
I hate when other people cant just let me have a voice. Someone has always been there to “correct” me, to “teach” me, and to “help” me. Guess what. I don’t need that kind of help. Save the correction, teaching and help for when it’s really necessary. I need love and acceptance, encouragement and joy, praise and affection. It doesn’t matter how loud or meek I am, nobody takes me seriously.
If any of you out there are feeling this way or are struggling with being the condescender, know that you are not alone. I’ve been on both sides and I struggle with both sides daily. It’s a silent sin really. It’s not as juicy as lust, as shameful as stealing, or as devastating as murder. It’s subtle and devious. Beating someone down with your words and body language to demote them is just as bad. People who do this lust for the conflict with the intense, burning desire to always be right. They steal a person’s self confidence and esteem because they don’t have any themselves. Being right is all they have and all they desire. Those people kill the dreams and aspirations of their targets. Targets is a good choice of words considering these people seek out opportunity for conflict.
I have vowed to LOVE! It is something I am driven to succeed at. I fail at it miserably sometimes because i’m not perfect, but I refuse to walk through this life blind towards the tenderness of the human heart. My hope is that one person might acknowlege this post and evaluate how they treat others.
As I said to my brother (apologizing for being angry with him for his condescending language) “It’s more important for me to be righteous, than to be right.” It didn’t matter what he said to me publicly, I didn’t have the right to be angry with him publicly. I really hope others have been convicted, as I am. Maybe we can all vow together to better ourselves so that we can stop being the hurters who think they’re helping and really make a difference.
I’m sure there’s a diaper that needs changing 😉