Over the last several months I have gone though some ups and some downs. Really big downs. I felt like I wasn’t going anywhere, I wasn’t doing anything of value, and that I was bored out of my mind. Through the help of my wonderful friends I have since been able to shake off that depression and begin to ACT. For one thing, I needed to forget all of the insanity the world has to offer in all of its negativity. One of my best friends told me that it really pained them to see how others has stolen my joy because that was not who I was or was created to be. She really helped me see that I needed to repent for agreeing with those people and to forgive them. I’ve since been freed from those painful words, looks, scoffs and other insensitivities.
Now that I wasn’t holding on to the weight those words carried, I felt that I needed to address this attitude of self worth. Having the ability to stay home and raise a family is a blessing. Not everyone feels that way or even respects that. But for me, it is an absolute blessing. So why didn’t I see it that way anymore? Why did a feel like the wife no one would want to come home to or the mom that every kid would be happy to leave? I just felt like I didn’t matter and to be honest, I wasn’t satisfied with the whole “you’re a mom, that’s your job for the next 18-25 years.” That sounded horribly mundane to me especially since we are going to homeschool the kids. Even with field trips, play dates and all kinds of outtings, I felt trapped. Enslaved even!
The BOREDOM is unbelieveable. Don’t get me wrong. I am busy! Really busy! But its the repetitive mundane busy that grinds the brain down into a powdery mush. That was the last straw. The straw that catapulted me into a full blown depression. Not just the blues, but a full on pajama wearing, no showering mess! I stayed there awhile, even after that wonderful talk with my Bestie. It was better that I didn’t have hurtful memories weighing me down but I was still bored and ungrateful.
So I did something about it! I talked to SuperHubby about redoing our finances and finding money that we were just blowing and doing something fun and healthy with it. We talked a lot over the last month and we are going to get a cleaning service once a month! I actually love to clean and I think I’m good at it, but with the responsibility homeschooling (which is nonexistant at the moment) and all the others stuff that I need to do to keep healthy, cleaning is just overwhelming. Having those extra hours will allow me to worry less about chores and focus on schooling the boys.
Next, we joined a gym!!!! Im so excited about this because I desperately need to workout and play. So do the kids. They don’t nearly get enough exercise. The gym has a Kids Klub with crazy fun things for them to climb on and play with! So while I’m working out and laughing with the ladies, theyll be running themselves tired. Which means they’ll be hungrier and actually want to eat the food I serve them 😉
I’m also planning on eliminating certain tempation food from the house and start eating healthier. I love to bake and I hate to cook. I really really really HATE it. So some things need to change there. I have found some great baking recipes for healthy eating and I’m so thankful that its cold now because that means it SOUP SEASON! Lots of great healthy choices there 😀 So we’re on our way to a whole new life.
I wrote down a list of all things I’m expected to be: Beautiful Wife, Loving Mom, Good Friend, Perfect Teacher, Tidy Housekeeper, Healthy Chef, Potty Training Expert, Dishwasher, Launderer, Gardener, Adventure Provider, Shopping Expert, Workout Specialist, Savvy Financer.
I have found that i cannot reasonably be great at any of these! There is too many to juggle. So I’ve taken those expectations are rewritten them to be more pracitcal and I still can’t do it all. There are so many things that suffer especially my marriage. So I don’t feel bad for asking for help with house or paying a little extra money to have fun getting in shape! Life was meant to be lived humbly and with lots of fun and adventure!