Hi All! Well, the last couple of weeks have certainly been enlightening. First, I thought I was experiencing a hangover from all of the extreme social media upkeep, but really I have a case of the blues. I feel like my life is SO weird. I have struggled with depression my whole life and just when I think I’ve kicked it to the curb, it comes sneaking back into my life like an annoying fly attracted to the crap of life. SO! I’d like to share my journey. I don’t really have that characteristic of being able to finish large ambitious goals…yet… So I’ll just break it up into an episodic adventure. You won’t be able to choose your own ending but it should be very entertaining 😉
Chapter 1: Depression
If you ever want to kill a conversation or stir up an tsunami of akward tension, just mention “depression”. You will see ALL the faces in the little chat circle turn to awkward I’ve-got-to-put-on-a-concerned-face look and the head nodding begins. (Sometimes it’s genuine and sometimes its akward. You can usually tell the difference.) It’s a word that I don’t like to use very often because there are levels of depression and I feel like that word should be reserved for the more serious ones. I like to say that “I have the blues”, otherwise. I’ve suffered from the slightest of blues to the depression that forces you to the ground with a razor and a scream, crying out for Divine intervention. It’s a condition that can cause you to lose instant respect among family, friends, peers, colleagues, and advisors. If you look around, the types of personalities that run our society are not the most understanding, compassionate or merciful people. They make great leaders and get the job done, but they don’t create a very empathetic environment, which, has aided in the formation of a negative stigma around the word “depression”.
But I don’t care! I’m confident and unashamed in who I am and in the tools that I’ve successfully applied to overcome depression. I have a pretty good sense of humor about it too. I don’t mean that I think it’s funny how sad I feel at times, but I find ways to make myself laugh during those periods. I’m not one of those people who always has to feel good at everyone elses expense. I just don’t let myself fall into the Pit of Despair where some albino Igor has me laid up on a rack that is designed to suck the life out of me, either. I really don’t mind how a person might judge or criticize me, or how they may undermind my troubles because I’ve accepted my burden. There is a chemical imbalance in my brain, that needs a corporeal AND a spiritual treatment. We all have a cross to bear and this one is mine. I gladly carry it for Him.
I have struggled with this since the day I was born, seriously. I cried all day, every day for months and months after i was born and nearly drove my poor mother into despair. Ever since then, I have always been a tender and melancholy person with this drive to make people laugh. Despite what others perceive about me, I’m actually quite shy and nervous around people. I’ve learned that there’s an art to socializing and have mastered some level of skill at it, but really I love the one-on-one talks with people and deep meaningful conversation. Don’t get me wrong I love cracking jokes and laughing with friends until my face hurts too! By the way, POOP is funny. It will always make me laugh if you bring it up. Unless you have explosive diarrhea from a questionable burrito left in your freezer that makes you wish you had installed handlebars on either side of your toilet. If that’s you today, here’s your frowny face 😦 .
Anyway, depression. I did something about it. I realized it was going to kill me and I did something about it. It has taken me over a decade of medication (on and off), therapy, prayer and support to get where I am now and I actually experience healthy joy now. I couldn’t have done it alone and I’m really grateful for every one of my family members, friends, and even you strangers out there who keep me smiling with your fun outlook on life. If you think you’re blog means nothing, think again. It really really helps (even if it saves one person from a miserable day, wasn’t it worth it?) So, thank you.
Here’s the thing I really want to get across to people. You don’t need to feel sorry for me, or put on that akward I-don’t-know-what-to-say, or the I-really-wish-you-hadn’t-put-me-in-this-position face. The blues are the blues and all that is required is love. So…I’ve had the blues for a few weeks now. I haven’t tweeted, posted, blogged or really done anything other than be with my kids and play games. I’ll get back to all that stuff soon, but for now, I just accept that I’ve got the blues and they ARE going to go away. I really hope, if any of you are suffering from the blues or worse, that you all know I understand and empathize with you. You all are great men and women, even if you don’t feel like it and I appreciate you!
I hope to follow up this post with some stories from childhood to adulthood. I suppose, it may help some of those out there to recognize it in their own lives, encourage those who do recognize it and enlighten those who can’t recognize it as being real. I’m not an expert or anything, but I just want to put smiles on your faces if I can. Feel free to leave me some suggestions of what you all are curious about or would like to see!
AND NOW…. KITTEN PICTURE!
If your cat just died, I’m so sorry… PUPPY PICTURE!
If your dog just died, I’m really sorry… BABY OTTER PICTURE!
If your otter just died, dude, i’m sorry, but I’m trying as hard as I can here!